plans for holiday

holiday is almost end and here's my several things which is i'm goin' to do on this christmas and new year holiday! here we go....

1. TAMAN SAFARI INDONESIA just one word ---> amazing!

2. ancol (Except do fun!) ---> actually, i'm goin' to visit seaworld, gelanggang samudra, ect but i dont have enough money

3. WATERBOOM PANTAI INDAH KAPUK ----> extremly fun and awesome

4. karya tulishit! ---> yg bahasa inggris gue pengumpul pertama lhoooo satu angkatan wkwk yang bahasa indonesia mah kelaut aje :p

5. shopping at mangdu ---> awww gimana sih ya gue ngegaul bedua nyokap di mangdu betah loh seharian penuh hihiw

6. tidur ---> like tamara said before, i'm goin' to follow her! IM GOIN' TO HIBERNATION!

7. dvd marathon ----> gue kalap kalo belanja dvd bajakan di glodok! kmrn gue ngabisin ratusan ribu cm beli dvd doang (boros bgt ya!)

8. naikin berat badan ---> nafsu makan gue kalo holiday begini itu lebih banyak dari biasanya, gatau knp! and sooooo lucky me, berat badanku naiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik meski cm sekilo tapi gpp, slow but sure okkkkk (!)

9. belajar masak ----> liburan gue habiskan dengan bereksperimen memasak di dapur, dan itu membuahkan hasil lhoooo, skrg gue udah bisa masak bakso sama udang teriyaki! enak deh, you should try it!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. studystudystudydy----> udah hampir 2 minggu lebih gue ga nyentuh buku2 pelajaran sekolah, tapi untungnya pas liburan bimbel gue masuk jd gue ga perlu belajar lagi di rumah-_-

11. novels time ----> gue tuh anaknya gila membaca, apa aja gue selalu pengen baca, dan didorong dengan rasa penasaran ingin tahu yang tinggi! untuk yang satu ini, gue gapernah bosen buat baca! kmrn waktu ke gramed gue beli beberapa novel dan majalah, karena gue itu suka berimajinasi ya udah pasti lah gue milih noveli fiksi, apalagi cerita teenlit hihihi kalo lagi serius, gue bisa ngabisin 2 buku dalam sehari..

12. beli perlengkapan sekolah ----> jujur gatau kenapa, gue lebih suka hangout di gramedia daripada di mall2 gitu, karna gue pikir buat apa ke mall kalo ujung2nya cm bikin ngiler karena gabisa beli barang2 disana.. tp kalo di gramed itu beda, suasananya tuh homieee banget dan mskpn ga beli gue tetep bisa baca buku kan disitu... nah rencananya gue mau ke gramed lagi beli perlengkapan sekolah buat semester 2, yang lucu2 biar nambah semangat belajar, UN depan mata coyyyy

13. nabung! ----> kedengerannya sih sepele tapi justru ini yang paling pentingggg, skrg tuh gue agak segan minta ke nyokap karena gue udah gede apalagi ntar pasti kan gue perlu biaya buat masuk SMA! jadi ya skrg tuh kalo mau beli apa2 gue harus nabung dulu.... mau ganti hp aja harus nabung dan sampe skrg blm kesampean hiks :'(

that's all my plans for holiday! emang sih gue ga seenak tmn2 gue yang liburan ke bali,semarang,spore dll tapi gue enjoy kok holiday ini ya mskpn ga enjoy2 bgt sih biasa aja sebenernya wkwk yang penting holiday ini gue dikelilingi sama orang2 yang gue sayang dan itu udah lebih dari cukup! :D

see you in my next post!

xoxo
ladylaras

love of my life

please welcome, fuckin' handsome guy, chace crawford!

Soooooooo? He's the one who is filling my heart rite now.

Isn't he very handsome? Yes! He is! Isn't he gorgeous? Yes Yes Yes! He absolutely is!
More questions? Haha lol =)

His name is Chace Crawford And yes, of course you all noticed him. He plays as Nate Archibald in Gossip Girl.

So...... you wanna know who I am thinking about everyday and everynight?
Look above :3

the holiday

How is your holiday? Does it feel great? How is your feeling? How are you today? Are you having fun with your friends out there? Am I ever crossed your mind in this holiday? Do you enjoy your holiday? I hope you do. Take care of yourself…

I miss you.

By the way, I’m having so much fun in this holiday. I laugh too much and I smile a lot! Especially tonight! I’m enjoying my own time, with some good songs and several games, having some conversation with good friends also make my mood everyday.

See? I’m fine. I feel happy everyday. I’ve found a reason for me to laugh everyday.

I’m single, not dead ;)

Although it would be very nice if I had a boyfriend, but for now…I think I don’t need it :p My family and my friends are more than enough to cheer me up everyday!

Enjoy your holiday ;)

straight 2 months without you

Hey, you.

I'm not changing. I'm still the same.

Bet yeah, I can't deny I had changed a little bit. Maybe you think I'm totally different now, but actually I'm not. I just had changed a little bit. Good changes, and not-so-lucky, bad changes, too.

And you know what? You did change me.

It's because of you and things that you did to me
I'm turning to be more mature
I can think positively, think better
I can speak up my mind better
I learn to let go some things that I must let it go
I feel stronger

And it's because of you and things that you did to me, too
I'm turning into blue


BUT I'm still the same Laras. I'm the one who's so lazy to take a bath, or eat. I still have my cheery-noisy-jumps (yeah I have it back!). I still love scream and growls, but I still cry when I listen to some sweet or melancholy songs. I still the one who used to be late everyday. I still love kim bum and taylor lautner. I still got my not-too-good-expression when you got to tell me about the things. I still love singing a long. I'm still the spoiled-kid. I still say those swearing words. I still not have too much care about what to wear. I still hate my skinny body. I still hate spicy-foods. I still love purple. I still.
I still the same.

Even,
I still miss you in my every night.

It has been straight 2 months, ya. But I still feel quite the same.

GAH!
SCRATCH IT

I shouldn't be like that
I can't be like that
I don't used to be like that
NO NO NO NO

It's the different situation now and I must change my feeling. I have to. Soon. Soon. Soon.

I know I have to open my heart for somebody else, for the new one. So many people told that to me. I have to, because you are impossible to have (again).

You are impossible to come back

Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
....
I repeated that words so many time in my head until it seems lose its meaning.

Yeah, it's been 2 months since we broke up.
I think I have to find someone else.

It's hard. But I'll try.

Wish me luck.

Y♥U

you were one of the important people in my life. 26-01-09 is the beginning of our story. we go through ups and downs together. But the problems did not stop beating us. I can survive, but you don’t. you are the one who started all of our problems. joy, sorrow, temptation. It is always our experience. sorry that you always says when you re-make the same mistake, does not mean at all. you always make this mistake. and it is a regret. you always say the pledge, and swear that you never keep. our story ended in 9 months. honestly I’m sad, I’m sorry and I can not let you go away. but I’m sick, I’m tired, I’m going all the trauma. and that was enough! 9 months rather than a short time, a hypocrite if I said I did not love you. but it was over.I must continue my life without you. thank you for coloring my life so far, has given happiness, and pain. you keep people who have meant in my life. anyway, happy anniversary 11 months dear!

ps : i never stop lovin' you, just to simply learn to live without you

it called friendship if you can mean it

sometime we feel so alone without anybody fill our heart

yaa you know lah mungkin pas kita lagi ada problem atau apagitu sama orang orang terdekat kita dan kita ngerasa desperate banget.

jaman sekarang ini banyak banget orang yang menggunakan label 'sahabat' cuma buat sekedar tau rahasia kita ato bahkan numpang eksis. kadang kadang orang itu akhirnya cuma mainin kita, jahatin kita, nyakitin kita, munain kita. dan akhirnya kita cuma sakit aja.

tapi bagi gue....

sahabat itu ada setiap gue butuh

suka ataupun gak

enak ataupun gak

beresiko ataupun gak

sakit ataupun gak

terimakasih charissa immanuella, serafine dwi fani, tamara nesya, felicia rostandy, jocelyne golda tiur, diandra subandriyo, anjani kartasasmita, kevin rinangga, gracio haggai, victorina arif, silvia ekalilya, edward trenata soliwoa, dennissa alfa, samuel lawrence, adrianus ivan, monika merri,theresia livinka, priscilla citra dan semuanya yang ga bisa gue sebutin satu persatu terimakasih udah ngajarin gue banyak atas makna kehadiran kalian buat gue :p

they're more than shares for me, they're my world :)

kisskiss
xoxo

what am i thinking about?

look at this girl. she's feeling so happy. she's free without anything in her heart

i wanna be like her

really

i really wanna be

i wanna feel go far away without anybody scream out to my ears and without nobody hurts me

it calls move on

MOVE ON?

how can i move on if i still li8ve in the same place that always reminds me about the tragedies one by one?

i wanna move

free

away from here

may i?

despressing time :'(

mommie's day

We don't need to know like what an angel aspect, because we already knew. Angel is our mom. They maintain and assist us. They don't like to see their children suffer, even if only with the flu. They always try to give all the best for us.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM

I♥YOU

a silent night, a silent tears, a silent wish that you were here..

Sometimes I feel thankful that I have someone like you.
Sometimes I feel proud of you and what you have done.
Sometimes I feel that we both care for each other.
Sometimes I feel like you and I are just really good couple and it should be kept that way.
At other times, I just don’t know.



This night, at bed, I pretend you are the one that is holding me and listening to my words.
I REALLY NEED YOU right now to stop this fucking tears.
You are all I think about and I wish it didn't have to end so quickly.

I'm in a lot of pain. Nobody really knows it. Nobody cares.

ilysm Bpk. Robertus Marihot Hutasoit!

Biasanya, bagi seorang anak perempuan yang sudah dewasa, yang sedang bekerja diperantauan, yang ikut suaminya merantau di luar kota atau luar negeri, yang sedang bersekolah atau kuliah jauh dari kedua orang tuanya.....

Akan sering merasa kangen sekali dengan Mamanya.


Lalu bagaimana dengan Papa?


Mungkin karena Mama lebih sering menelepon untuk menanyakan keadaanmu setiap hari,

tapi tahukah kamu, jika ternyata Papa-lah yang mengingatkan Mama untuk menelponmu?


Mungkin dulu sewaktu kamu kecil, Mama-lah yang lebih sering mengajakmu bercerita atau berdongeng,

tapi tahukah kamu, bahwa sepulang Papa bekerja dan dengan wajah lelah Papa selalu menanyakan pada Mama tentang kabarmu dan apa yang kau lakukan seharian?


Pada saat dirimu masih seorang anak perempuan kecil......


Papa biasanya mengajari putri kecilnya naik sepeda.

Dan setelah Papa mengganggapmu bisa, Papa akan melepaskan roda bantu di sepedamu...

Kemudian Mama bilang : "Jangan dulu Papa, jangan dilepas dulu roda bantunya" ,

Mama takut putri manisnya terjatuh lalu terluka....

Tapi sadarkah kamu?

Bahwa Papa dengan yakin akan membiarkanmu, menatapmu, dan menjagamu mengayuh sepeda dengan seksama karena dia tahu putri kecilnya PASTI BISA.


Pada saat kamu menangis merengek meminta boneka atau mainan yang baru, Mama menatapmu iba.

Tetapi Papa akan mengatakan dengan tegas : "Boleh, kita beli nanti, tapi tidak sekarang"

Tahukah kamu, Papa melakukan itu karena Papa tidak ingin kamu menjadi anak yang manja dengan semua tuntutan yang selalu dapat dipenuhi?


Saat kamu sakit pilek, Papa yang terlalu khawatir sampai kadang sedikit membentak dengan berkata :

"Sudah di bilang! kamu jangan minum air dingin!".

Berbeda dengan Mama yang memperhatikan dan menasihatimu dengan lembut.

Ketahuilah, saat itu Papa benar-benar mengkhawatirkan keadaanmu.


Ketika kamu sudah beranjak remaja....


Kamu mulai menuntut pada Papa untuk dapat izin keluar malam, dan Papa bersikap tegas dan mengatakan: "Tidak boleh!".

Tahukah kamu, bahwa Papa melakukan itu untuk menjagamu?

Karena bagi Papa, kamu adalah sesuatu yang sangat - sangat luar biasa berharga..


Setelah itu kamu marah pada Papa, dan masuk ke kamar sambil membanting pintu...

Dan yang datang mengetok pintu dan membujukmu agar tidak marah adalah Mama....

Tahukah kamu, bahwa saat itu Papa memejamkan matanya dan menahan gejolak dalam batinnya,

Bahwa Papa sangat ingin mengikuti keinginanmu, Tapi lagi-lagi dia HARUS menjagamu?


Ketika saat seorang cowok mulai sering menelponmu, atau bahkan datang ke rumah untuk menemuimu, Papa akan memasang wajah paling cool sedunia.... :')

Papa sesekali menguping atau mengintip saat kamu sedang ngobrol berdua di ruang tamu..

Sadarkah kamu, kalau hati Papa merasa cemburu?


Saat kamu mulai lebih dipercaya, dan Papa melonggarkan sedikit peraturan untuk keluar rumah untukmu, kamu akan memaksa untuk melanggar jam malamnya.

Maka yang dilakukan Papa adalah duduk di ruang tamu, dan menunggumu pulang dengan hati yang sangat khawatir...

Dan setelah perasaan khawatir itu berlarut - larut...

Ketika melihat putri kecilnya pulang larut malam hati Papa akan mengeras dan Papa memarahimu.. .

Sadarkah kamu, bahwa ini karena hal yang di sangat ditakuti Papa akan segera datang?

"Bahwa putri kecilnya akan segera pergi meninggalkan Papa"


Setelah lulus SMA, Papa akan sedikit memaksamu untuk menjadi seorang Dokter atau Insinyur.

Ketahuilah, bahwa seluruh paksaan yang dilakukan Papa itu semata - mata hanya karena memikirkan masa depanmu nanti...

Tapi toh Papa tetap tersenyum dan mendukungmu saat pilihanmu tidak sesuai dengan keinginan Papa


Ketika kamu menjadi gadis dewasa....


Dan kamu harus pergi kuliah dikota lain...

Papa harus melepasmu di bandara.

Tahukah kamu bahwa badan Papa terasa kaku untuk memelukmu?

Papa hanya tersenyum sambil memberi nasehat ini - itu, dan menyuruhmu untuk berhati-hati. .

Padahal Papa ingin sekali menangis seperti Mama dan memelukmu erat-erat.

Yang Papa lakukan hanya menghapus sedikit air mata di sudut matanya, dan menepuk pundakmu berkata "Jaga dirimu baik-baik ya sayang".

Papa melakukan itu semua agar kamu KUAT...kuat untuk pergi dan menjadi dewasa.


Disaat kamu butuh uang untuk membiayai uang semester dan kehidupanmu, orang pertama yang mengerutkan kening adalah Papa.

Papa pasti berusaha keras mencari jalan agar anaknya bisa merasa sama dengan teman-temannya yang lain.


Ketika permintaanmu bukan lagi sekedar meminta boneka baru, dan Papa tahu ia tidak bisa memberikan yang kamu inginkan...

Kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut Papa adalah : "Tidak.... Tidak bisa!"

Padahal dalam batin Papa, Ia sangat ingin mengatakan "Iya sayang, nanti Papa belikan untukmu".

Tahukah kamu bahwa pada saat itu Papa merasa gagal membuat anaknya tersenyum?


Saatnya kamu diwisuda sebagai seorang sarjana.

Papa adalah orang pertama yang berdiri dan memberi tepuk tangan untukmu.

Papa akan tersenyum dengan bangga dan puas melihat "putri kecilnya yang tidak manja berhasil tumbuh dewasa, dan telah menjadi seseorang"


Sampai saat seorang teman Lelakimu datang ke rumah dan meminta izin pada Papa untuk mengambilmu darinya.

Papa akan sangat berhati-hati memberikan izin..

Karena Papa tahu.....

Bahwa lelaki itulah yang akan menggantikan posisinya nanti.


Dan akhirnya....

Saat Papa melihatmu duduk di Panggung Pelaminan bersama seseorang Lelaki yang di anggapnya pantas menggantikannya, Papa pun tersenyum bahagia....

Apakah kamu mengetahui, di hari yang bahagia itu Papa pergi kebelakang panggung sebentar, dan menangis?

Papa menangis karena papa sangat berbahagia, kemudian Papa berdoa....

Dalam lirih doanya kepada Tuhan, Papa berkata: "Ya Allah tugasku telah selesai dengan baik....

Putri kecilku yang lucu dan kucintai telah menjadi wanita yang cantik....

Bahagiakanlah ia bersama suaminya...


Setelah itu Papa hanya bisa menunggu kedatanganmu bersama cucu-cucunya yang sesekali datang untuk menjenguk...

Dengan rambut yang telah dan semakin memutih....

Dan badan serta lengan yang tak lagi kuat untuk menjagamu dari bahaya....

Papa telah menyelesaikan tugasnya....


Papa, Ayah, Bapak, atau Abah kita...

Adalah sosok yang harus selalu terlihat kuat...

Bahkan ketika dia tidak kuat untuk tidak menangis...

Dia harus terlihat tegas bahkan saat dia ingin memanjakanmu. .

Dan dia adalah yang orang pertama yang selalu yakin bahwa "KAMU BISA" dalam segala hal..

source : http://www.kaskus.us/showthread.php?t=2799887


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Bokap gue... tipe orang yang keras, kolot, (over) protective, disiplin.
Sering gue ngerasa kok bokap gue marah-marah mulu kerjaannya.
Gue begini gak boleh.
Gue begitu gak boleh.
Tapi semenjak baca tulisan di atas.

I know, He loves me. He cares.

and i think, that's all i really need :)

Charissa Immanuella Pormes, you're so sexy hahaha

for my dearest charissa immanuella...

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

Lost - Michael Buble

chachaaaaaaa lo tau ngga pas posting ini gue lagi kangen sm lo esesesese (pasti GR nih anak) hihihihi :p gue suka banget cha pas lo lagi main biola. terus pas main piano di rmhnya didi. permainan lo bikin gue kagum. rasanya pengen meluk lu deh cha, pengen teriakin nama lo juga sampe air liur gua yang wangi ini muncrat-muncrat ke mukelu. Pengen teriak cha sekenceng-kencengnyaaaaaaaaaa sampe pita suara gua lepas kalo perlu.Tapi takut digebukin tetangga gue gimana dong -..- masalahnya rumah gue gak kedap suara nicccch.

do you remember cha?
We started our friendship from a little thing.
you're my first chairmate in 8th grade.
we had a long stupid conversation, funny picts, and alotta things.
And we talk about our boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, well) I said to you, I wanted him more than anything for my birthday.

Then, I told you so much about my boy. How I love my boy sooooooooooo muchy-much, that time.

Then, I broke up.
And you were there, listen to every single word I said.
I feel so comfort, when I know there's someone else that ever feel the same with me, and it's you.
We've feel how hurt it is, when someone you love leave you easily.

When you told me about your problems, when you said you were crying, you know what?
I was crying with you.

charissa, anytime you have any problem,
I said, baby, you're not lost.

i love you my sexy C!

the one i'll never forget

namanya serafine dwi fani lestari, cukup panggil fani :)

Probably my best friend is one of my schoolmates. we have known each other since we were in 7th grade. If I were to describe how she looks, I would say she is very pretty. She has curly black hair, brown almond-shaped eyes, a small nose and a small pointed chin. She is not very tall (i mean she's short!) and she is quite slim. She doesn't like to dress up so I usually see her wearing jeans and a T-shirt or.

It seems like she and I are always talking or laughing about something. She has a very nice personality and a wonderful sense of humor but she can also get a little depressed from time to time. I can always count on her to be honest and to give me the best advice.

I know I can rely on her. Even when our lives get busy we still make time to see each other. I can't imagine going to school and not having her there. Since I am better in english and she is better in math, and science. we can always help each other if we get confused about a difficult homework assignment. We are lucky that we complement each other so well and that we get along so well. I hope that our friendship will continue and be just as strong after we graduate from junior high school.

pertama kali kenal fani tuh pas kelas 7. kita sekelas di 7.1 when i look at the first sight, fani tuh judes, sombong, nyolot, blagu, dan segala macemnya deh hahaha :p

terus kita mulai deket pas kelas 8, fani is the one of the greatest girl i've ever known. fani pinter, rangking 1 gituloh. lucu,imut,dan senasib sama gue, sama-sama pendek hehehe semakin hari semakin deket sama dia. gatau kenapa gue ngerasa ada yang beda sama anak ini.

semester 2, pas masa-masa akhir gue di kelas 8. gue duduk bareng fani. aaaaaa senangnya. seneng banget banget. kalo waktu pelajaran ada yang gue ga ngerti, gue pasti nanyanya sama fani. fani temen curhat gue. nah terus kalo katanya si chacha, fani punya poni yang menuju ke berbagai arah -____-

lo tau ngga?gue sebenernya ngiri banget sama fani loh. fani pinter, dan hatinya mulia banget. dia siap nolong orang kapanpun dia bisa. fani rajin banget ngerjain tugas ini itu. awalnya gue pikir nih anak kerajinan banget, tapi ternyata gue salah. buktinya, skrg fani itu salah satu motivasi gue buat tetep semangat belajar. gue inget banget kata-katanya fani yang kyk gini "ayo ras! kalo gue bisa kenapa lo engga?"

oh iyaaaa gue lagi suka lagunya "bestfriend". buat fani loh lagunya hihi dengerin yaaaaaaa

Best Friend - Toy Box

she is my best friends best of all best friends.
Do you have a best friend too?
It tickles in my tummy she is so yummy yummy.
Hey you should get a best friend too!!!!

for you fani, you have been the one who knows exactly who i am more than my parents do. you have been a good girl for me. you give me motivation, you give me spirit. i'm lucky cause i have you as my bestfriend. i'm so thankful to God cause he has been very nice to me. God give me someone i've never imagine......you :)

we'll never say bye

This is for my people's who just lost somebody, your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high, we will never say bye...
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins, this is for my people's who lost their grandmothers

Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye...

akhir-akhir ini banyak yg meninggal ya..
kmrn aja sodara, lebih tepatnya adeknya eyang gue.

gue turut berduka cita ya sama orang-orang yang ditinggalin.

Gue gak ngebayangin deh kalo ada orang terdeket gue, meninggal.
Orang yang tadinya ada, tiba-tiba gak ada.

Ya tapi gue juga SANGAT TERAMAT memohon kepada orang-orang yang ada, terus gak ada.
Tolong untuk tidak usah ada lagi.
Ngerti kan maksudnya?
Ya, gak usah ngebuktiin eksistensi kalian di dunia yang berbeda.
Bukannya apa-apa, tapi gue jadi takut mandi.
Gue takut gosok gigi pas mau tidur.
Kemaren malem, gue nahan pipis sampe sakit gara-gara takut ke kamar mandi.
Sebegitu penakutkah lo, bernadette indah larasati?
Iya.

Gue takut sama hal-hal yang serem:
1. Gue takut hantu. Yang ini gak bisa ditolerir lagi. Cukup aja 2 kali gue denger 'suara' di kamar gue sendiri.

2. Gue takut sama bokap gue. Dia nyeremin kalo marah.

3. Gue takut gelap atau kalo bahasa gaulnya aQuhh t4KudH kGeLapaN.

4. Gue takut sama pak dar karena dia wali kelas gue, dan kalo gue bertingkah macem-macem pasti langsung diaduin ke bokap gue, terus udahannya bokap gue murka. Balik lagi ke nomer 2.

5. Gue takut sendirian. sumpah serem mampuss.

6. Gue takut main ke dufan. Ini, trauma, parah. Parah. Parah. Parah.

7. Gue takut sama semua serangga, kecuali semut & nyamuk. Karna semut & nyamuk bisa gue bunuh kapanpun gue mau, karna mereka gak punya gigi dan gak bakal gigit gue. Mereka aman. Dan... sebenernya.... gue juga takut sama anjing, dulu pernah dikejar-kejar 2 anjing sekaligus, anjingnya gede & item. sumpah tragis abis ini ceritanya. tapi kenyataannya? gue piara anjing di rumah. tapi untung dikandangin. Terus gue juga takut banget sama kodok atau katak atau binatang ampibi. Gue gak tau deh ini kata bokap gue nanti kalo udah SMA trus kuliah kedokteran praktek belah kodok. Mendingan gue disuruh nyebokin pantat gorila abis berak kali daripada ngebelah kodok. Oke, mungkin nanti gue bakal nyuruh nyokap gue nulis surat sakit dan gue gak bakal masuk pas lagi ada praktek belah kodok, bodo amat nilai gue kosong, bodo amat rapot gue jelek, bodo! Pokoknya gue gak mau deket-deket kodok. Titik.

10. Gue takut sama beberapa manusia yang gak bisa gue sebutin namanya disini. Ini juga karna ya gitu deh.

11. Gue takut sama tempat yang tinggi karenaaaaa gue bener-bener phobia sama yang satu ini. Ini juga karna trauma.

Gue bukannya sok imut ya takut sama hal-hal kecil gitu.

Tapi ya gue juga kayak gitu pasti ada alesannya.

Jadi, kalo ada yang merasa terganggu dengan ketertakutan gue terhadap sesuatu, ya silahkan pindah planet deh lo!

Maaf jadi emosi, tapi emang kadang ada aja orang yang gak ngertiin ya.

Misalnya "Yaelah lo sama ginian aja takut".
Gue benci banget kalo ada yang ngomong begitu rasanya pengen gue silet bibirnya, gue buka mulutnya sampe mangap segede mulut kuda nil, gue ambil kodok sawah, gue masukin kodok itu ke mulutnya, gue lakban mulutnya! Mampus mampus deh lo keracunan kodok sawah!!!

-------------

"And the award for the best liar goes to you, for making me believe that you could be faithful to me. Let's hear your speech out"
(Rihanna - Take A Bow)

Sekali aja gue dikecewain, nantinya... apapun yang lo omongin ke gue, satu huruf pun nggak akan ada yang gue percaya.

decemberain, my eyes is also raining too..

He doesn't want me anymore.
He didn't actually say that, but that's what I got from the last time we talked.
We're not going to see each other anymore.
He said I deserve someone who can be there for me.
It would hurt a lot but at least it won't leave me hanging on.
We both know that sooner or later it will end.
Even from the start.

I just wish, he'd tell me that.
That we're no longer together because he doesn't want me anymore.
Simple, abrupt and plain truth.
That will crushed all the hope inside of me that we can still be together in the future.
The soonest I accept this, the sooner I'll move on.
For now I just want to be with sadness.

I guess what I am really wondering is, is there a chance of him coming around and wanting to be with me?
I am thinking that there is, but he isn't sure because of my fucking personality.
I need reassurance about this whole thing.
I hate some answers that my friends' gived are to leave him.

I love him so much, and I just don't want it to end.
I don't want any other guy, I don't want to let him go...

I really need to know, does he want to be with me like he said he loves me?

Are these signs that he doesn't want me anymore?

All I want to do now is to devoice.
I'm becoming depressed and feeling bad of myself all the time.
I'm not the happy girl I used to be, living like this makes me feel weak and sick.
I can't stop crying every so often.

nanti.....

Gue suka mikir, kalo udah tua, apa gue masih ngeblog?
Sekarang diumur 13 tahun, gue posting tentang keluarga, exboyf, temen-temen, sekolah, liburan, dll.
Kalo gue udah tua?

Mungkin...
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang hari dimana gue wisuda & gimana rasanya ngelempar toga.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang cowok yang pertama kali bakal gue kenalin ke orang tua gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal ngasih tau siapa calon suami gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gimana calon suami itu ngelamar gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting & pamerin foto-foto prewedding gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting gimana rasanya waktu calon suami gue masukin cincin ke jari manis gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang honeymoon gue -___-
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gimana bahagianya gue bisa tidur bareng suami gue nanti.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang job & salary gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang anak pertama gue.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gimana nikmatnya jadi seorang ibu.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gimana susahnya ngatur anak yang masih kecil.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang cerita hari pertama anak gue masuk sekolah.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang anak gue yang wisuda.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gimana sedihnya gue kalo nanti gue harus ngelepas anak gue yang harus menikah.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gimana ribetnya ngurus cucu.
Mungkin suatu hari nanti gue bakal posting tentang gigi gue yang udah ompong-ompong, rambut yang beruban semua, kulit keriput, nggak menstruasi lagi, mata udah mulai redup-redup...
Dan gue sangat berharap, nanti bakal ada blogger yang posting tentang kematian gue, tentang siapa aja yang mandiin jenazah gue, dan lain-liannya. (Dan lain-lainnya bikin gue merinding ya, ini gue lagi posting di kamar jam 1 pagi, jadi... ya tau kan kelanjutannya?)

Intinya, gue berharap bakal terus ngurus blog ini, bakal terus cerita tentang kehidupan gue, tentang pacar-pacar gue selanjutnya hahahaha
Maunya dilamar didepan menara Eiffel tanggal 26 januari tahun 2019, dilamar sama... DIA!
Asik tuh kayaknya hahahaha
Stop dreaming! -_____-'
Wake up, Ras!
Hmmm.......... okay!

he....is......really......gone

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside?
You will never measure up to those people
You must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something that's far from the truth?
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face in a mirror there's a smile?
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish of being somewhere else
To let go of your disguise, all your worries too?
And from that moment, then you see things clear...

I've just woken up & realized...
This is not just a nightmare.
This is fact. He is not mine anymore.

I feel empty and alone.
I wish this was a bad dream I could wake up from.

I was heartbroken (and still I am).

If your heart could feel, let it feel this.
Let it feel meaningless words and glass shattered hearts and tears that burn.
Let it feel the pain of loving someone and not being able to touch them.
Let it feel the spirit aching, aching for a love it cannot obtain.
Let it feel.

setiap tempat yang biasa gue lewatin bareng dia, setiap gue dengerin lagu viva la vida, setiap gue liat album foto gue di hape sama dia, setiap kata-kata yang biasa dia ucapin, setiap baca sms-sms jaman dulu dari dia, setiap nemuin angka 26, setiap gue buka blog,facebook,twitter, yang hampir semua tentang dia, setiap gue buka halaman belakang buku tulis gue banyak tulisan laxel, setiap liat kalung dari jogja yang tulisannya 'laxel 2619' setiap gue liat iklan XL di tv, rasanya pengen gue pecahin tuh tv pake linggis, setiap gue buka wall to wall gue sm dia, setiap gue lakuin,ngedenger,ngeliat sesuatu yang ada hubungannya sama dia...
gue lemes.
gue gabisa nangis.
dan gue bener-bener bingung harus gimana.

AAP

Everything is alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end.
Ya, it's not the end of the world.
Life keeps on turning even if I become a single girl.
Face the truth.
Even life gives me a hundreds reason to cry. Show life that I have a thousand reason to smile :)
May just a fake smile, but it's better than the tears...

Makasih banyak buat yang selalu peduli, yang gak pernah berhenti ngasih perhatiannya, yang selalu ngingetin tapi gak pernah didengerin.
Aku sayang kamu, kebo..

I never stop loving you, I just simply learn to live without you.
Thanks! You remind me that I am someone.

try to understand

"Kini ku akui hatiku tak bisa milikki dirimu. Pernah ku paksakan, walau tak sejalan, meski ku tahu ku salah. Dan ku coba melupakanmu, karna ku tahu kau bukan milikku. Dan ku berhenti berharap akan cintamu yang dulu ada dihati, dan ku coba tuk bertahan walau berat, kini ku berhenti berharap". (Berhenti Berharap - Marcell)

Udah satu bulan lebih mungkin gue nangis, pikiran kosong, males makan, dan segala macemnya.
Bahkan sampe gue ngelakuin hal-hal yang... gak jauh beda sama bunuh diri.
Bagusnya dikit, gue gak mati.

Penyesalan emang datengnya selalu belakangan.
Gue nyesel gue pernah begini, gue nyesel gue bersikap begitu.
It's very very very very USELESS.

Banyak banget pelajaran yang bisa gue ambil saat ini.
Terutama tentang ikhlas.

Ikhlas, ilmu yang gak bisa dipelajarin.
Ikhlas itu ilmu yang beribu-ribu kali lipet lebih susah daripada pelajaran Fisika.

Ada saatnya, yang gue mau, gak bisa gue milikkin.
Ada saatnya, gue harus ngelepasin sesuatu yang seharusnya emang bukan punya gue lagi.

Jujur aja, mungkin gue masih belom ikhlas kalo ngeliat xl sama cewek lain.
Tapi seiring berjalannya waktu (ceilah), gue HARUS ikhlas.
HARUS mau nerima kenyataan, sepahit apapun itu.

Yeah, I know you will be a star in somebody else's sky :'(

Don't let someone become your everything, because when he is gone, you have nothing.
Inilah kesalahan terbesar gue, gue selalu beranggapan 'xl is my everything'.
Tapi salah juga kalo gue mikir gue gak punya siapa-siapa, gue masih punya banyak orang yang peduli sama gue.
Bersyukur.

'buka mata, hati, telinga, sesungguhnya masih ada yang lebih penting dari sekedar kata cinta'.
Masih ada orang tua yang harus dibikin bangga sama prestasi gue.